givemeabreak's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I took a Midget of a Wipe-out! On my way into the house tonight I fell in the driveway. Normally, I wouldn't care so much about a simple little slip on the ice kinda fall...but I got all freaked out after the whole "step off into nothingness" from last summer which resulted in a hematoma that I still have on my leg. As I lay on the driveway flat on my stomach, it occurred to me that I had fallen midget style. For any "small people" out there, or vertically challenged folks...stop reading now if you are thin skinned or easily offended. As I lay staring eye to eye with the boulders that surround my perennial garden, I realized that I was quite lucky to not have knocked out a tooth or knocked myself unconscious. Once I thought about the midget story, I then was able to crack a smirkish grin and make my way to my feet. No matter how bad things may seem to be all I have to do to get cheered up is think of the midget story. Back when I was in college (late 80's early 90's) my friend Cheri and I were walking to class when we saw this midget chick jogging. First and foremost, a midget jogging is hilarious in its own right. Of course, not all midgets look identical, so I feel compelled to describe Ms. Midget to you. She was one of those people who have the elongated trunks and the really short legs and fat little arms that wave out to the sides of their body. So...she had on her little runner outfit, her walkman radio and was jogging full bore up behind Cheri and I. Cheri and I stepped down from the curb and onto the road. The midget while running, jogged off the curb and ran across the road....when trouble struck her small town. The UP curb was the problem. Oh yeah, her feet didn't clear the curb and she went from a fully upright position to a face plant into the sidewalk. It was unbelievable. Her little walkman went flying, she went flying. The most incredible part was that she had ZERO reaction time. Most people when they fall, have like 2 whole seconds to put their arms out or try to catch themselves. Not this chick, she was upright, then down in a matter of a split second. Thank God my friend Cheri doesn't have the terrible vice of uncontrollable laughter when strangers fall as she was able to muster out the words, "are you okay?" I on the other hand being the heathen that I am, practically was pissing myself walking in the other direction because I just couldn't get it together. So...tonight as I lay in my driveway in pain, I got some pleasure out of knowing that I had no time whatsoever to catch myself...just like that midget didn't have time to catch herself. Of course then I had to giggle and I forgot all about how much my ass muscle that I pulled and my bleeding knee cap hurt. *Disclaimer: should any vertically challenged people feel the need to bitch me out, please save it, as I don't give a shit and will always think midgets are hilarious no matter how un-politically correct that may be* Oh, and WGRD 97.9 their morning show called Free Beer & Hot Wings with Eric Zane, would truly understand, appreciate and support my midget moment. 12:22 a.m. - Thursday, Feb. 17, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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