givemeabreak's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Believe It Or Not - I'm Walking On Air Ah, misfortune smiling on me always makes for an interesting diaryland entry. First off, I'll start by saying that it's a damn good thing my future profession will be in the medical field seeing as how I recently have become prone to accidents. It's strange really...it's like I must be blinded by the ability to not see past my own boobs. Anything unforseen shadowed under the great beyond is fair game for me to fall over, trip up, fall in, or worse yet fall on. Yesterday I decided it would be a good idea to fling myself off the porch. Nice. Our story begins with the Wyngate Farms park nazi's sending around these bogus letters about "items" they want done on the property and/or our homes. They're such bastards. Anyway, Tracy and I are planning on painting our side steps white to match the house, plus it would then finish it all off since the other steps are white. *sigh* Anyway, since they are wooden, heavy and quite cumbersome; we decided to pull them AWAY from the house and prep them to be stained white. For an entire week I have managed to go in and out of my house fully capable of stepping over the 7 inch gap between the porch and the doorway. Last night, lady luck was not on my side. (It's okay to laugh...I promise I won't be hurt) I was getting ready to go over to my friend Steve's house and as usual the dog was going ape shit because she didn't want me to leave. As I grabbed the screen door to open it and leave, I was busy watching Casey trying to consume Zoey & Miles and inadvertently stepped out into the great beyond. Yeah, that was great. My left leg went free falling straight down between the house and porch. My right leg stayed IN the doorway and my knee was more than happy to dig into the doorjam on my way down. The only thing preventing my actual foot from touching the ground would be my fat thigh which happened to fill the gap between the house. As soon as the gap filled, I came to a screeching halt. Oh my god, I have never felt so much pain in my life. I have fallen a number of times in the past 3 years and this one really takes the cake. Visualize if you will...a 270 pound woman with her purse sprawled all over the porch, her leg stuck between the house, her other leg stuck in the house and then Miles Kitty Boy and Casey Dog staring at me in the doorway as I scream like I am being hacked to bits by an axe murderer. Tracy rounded the corner with a look of sheer horror on her face. I was afraid to look at my leg as I was certain I had peeled off about six layers of skin and would have just tendons hanging out or something! Luckily I had not broken anything and didn't even break the skin. Can you believe it? Instead I managed to skin my outer left thigh so much that it looked like I had used a cheese grater on it. There was and still is a DENT in my thigh where the wood of the porch dug into my leg to stop my fall. My leg was indigo in color within the first 60 seconds of impact. Tracy and I went to the immediate care and thankfully nothing was broken, however, like most things that happen to me...the doctor said, "gee, it makes for a good story." Yeah, sure it does. Too bad that I cannot wear shorts for the remainder of this summer as I look like I have been beaten with a baseball bat. My right knee has this golf ball size deep purple/crimson colored bruise and the left thigh looks just hideous. I totally grossed Tracy out today when she got home from work. I showed her my shaved off flesh still stuck on the porch wood. She gets so yucked out by stuff like that...see and I thought it was pretty cool. As I type this Tracy is outside painting the porch so she can get it pushed back up against the house. She really is sweet. It also doesn't hurt that I have permanently decided to use the other door! :0) 3:52 p.m. - Friday, Jul. 09, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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