givemeabreak's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CRUTCHES??? You're Shitting Me! Today was my first day back at work post my header off the porch. Nice. Needless to say, my leg is still swollen to the size of a mini-seedless-watermelon. It's not attractive in the least bit. After work today, it occurred to me that perhaps I have a blood clot in my leg. Of course, once you make the leap to, "holy shit, maybe I have a blood clot!"; you automatically lunge to, "holy shit, what if my imaginary blood clot goes to my heart???" So...after work I headed over to the ExpressCare (part of our ER dept.) and had them take a look see. The doctor I had was fantastic. He ordered up a snazzy ultrasound to make sure I had no clot...plus an x-ray to make sure that I had not fractured some little part of my knee bone apparatus. Thankfully, I am clot free and broken bone free. I do however have a huge CONTUSION (major bruise in the soft tissue) and a huge HEMATOMA (blood pooling up in the deep tissue). Yummmmy - I know. So Dr. FeelGood tells me that he wants me to use CRUTCHES for the next week in hopes the hematoma will go down and all will be right in leg-land. I must be honest here, I have never used crutches. When the nurse was so patiently trying to show me, I know she did her best to keep from laughing. I swear to Goddess it took me about 20 minutes to hobble from the ER doors to the 4-runner. It wasn't pretty. Frankly, I am convinced the rubber tipped-aluminum plated toothpicks of death are just a means to an end. Those crutches will seal my fate. I have almost fallen twice with them and I have only had them less than five hours so far. I don't know what is worse: the thought of throwing my imaginary blood clot friend...or falling assholes over teacups with the damn crutches. Either way I am sure it would make for an interesting scene. I am not exactly sure how I am supposed to valet park cars with my crutches, but hopefully I can just sit on the stool and be the perky greeter girl. We'll hope for the best. I can say this with all assurance, I certainly respect anyone who has ever had to wear a cast...holy shit, I don't know how they do it. After about six steps I am ready to beat myself with the crutches just to end the misery of walking on them! Alright, I am done whining about my crutches experience. I just hope none of you happen to see me hobbling through the streets of Kalamazoo, because trust me it is a sad, sad sight! 8:51 p.m. - Monday, Jul. 19, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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